I find myself with a heaviness all day today as Mother’s Day approaches tomorrow. I had my first Mother’s Day without my mom in 1995. I would send flowers to my grandmother and later to my step-mother on that day, but overall, I liked to try to ignore it. I always seemed to miss my mom even more on that second Sunday in May.
Then, in 2002, on March 22nd, I became a mother, and the day started to have more meaning to me. Instead of thinking about no longer having a mother to celebrate, I could be a little celebrated. Over the years, Mother’s Day became more special as I had more children who would start making cute little projects at school for me. I loved watching them try to give me a special day. I can picture their beaming little faces running into my bedroom to wish me a happy Mother’s Day.
Now, that too, is missing. Without my middle child, the day is empty once again. I know that I still have my other children, and that I will get Happy Mother’s Day wishes from them, but Andy’s absence will most certainly dominate the day. I will long to go to the cemetery just to feel closer to him. I hope that one day, Mother’s Day might be a day to be celebrated once again, but I know that day won’t be tomorrow.
* If you want to take part in my Mother’s Day virtual support group, let me know and I will be happy to send the link. It will take pace at 4pm EDT.