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Dealing With The Loss of a Child
My Story

Inspiring Hope, One Day at a Time

As a pediatrician, married mom of three biological children and one foster son, my life was busy, rushing off to my office four days a week, seeing patients for three and working as a medical director of a local physician organization for one. I balanced this with rushing off to shuttle my kids to after sports and other after school activities. All of this changed one day in August of 2018 when my 14 year old son, Andy, was killed in a car accident. I felt like my life was over, and in some ways it was over, and a new life was forced to begin in its place. 

Grief is seldom discussed openly in our culture, and the death of a child makes people feel even more uncomfortable. On this blog and podcast, ‘Losing a Child: Always Andy’s Mom’, the topic is approached openly and honestly, speaking to people who have lost loved ones and experts who help care for them. Whether you are a parent experiencing loss or someone who wants to support another going through this tragedy, this blog and podcast strives to offer hope and help.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

A Love for Music

My son, Andy, was extremely musically talented. Music really spoke to him. Once when he was 5 years old, we took him to a Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert. I looked to him at one point of the concert and he had tears freely flowing down his face. I quickly asked him what was wrong. His reply, ‘The music, it’s just so sad.’ 

He played the piano for many years and played his French Horn, that he named Frenchie, for three. His greatest instrument though, was his own voice. He was a head chorister for the Grand Rapids Choir of Men and Boys and sang with the choir for five years. This video is a clip of one of his final solos, fitting as he sings about ‘fitting ourselves for heaven.

Recent Blog

 

Episode 48: Greg’s Sister

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about the fact that I live in a grieving home, and I am continuing to raise my children in a grieving home and that there is nothing that I can do to change that. It is just not the same place that it was two years ago. Don't get...

A Summer Remembered

As August 15th gets closer and closer on the calendar, I find myself feeling more emotional as well. I think back to 2 years ago and what my life was like then. Honestly, that summer really did sort of revolve around Andy. He had struggled in school in the past and I...

The Laundry

Today, I am doing something that has made me weep all day. I am doing Andy’s laundry for the last time. It has been almost 22 months since he died, and I had not been able to do it. Every time I picked up the clothes to try, I would smell him. I would smell that dirty...

Recent Podcast

 

Episode 47: Tamzyn and Jacque’s Mom

I will never forget the subject line of the email sent by today's guest, Charne, a few weeks ago. It simply read, 'Lightning Struck Twice.' Charne's journey with grief started 8 years ago when her youngest daughter died from a freak accident while home in South...

Episode 46: Adam’s Mom

Honestly, today's interview was a sort of scary prospect for me. I don't like thinking too far into the future. Ten years, twenty years, thirty years, even the idea of having that much time without Andy in my life and as an active part of our family is too hard to...

Episode 45: David’s Dad

The words 'grief' and 'improv' are certainly ones that do not naturally seem to go together. When I think of grief, I think of extreme sadness. I might also think of guilt, anger or numerous other negative emotions. Rarely, if ever, would I think about someone...