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Dealing With The Loss of a Child
My Story

Inspiring Hope, One Day at a Time

As a pediatrician, married mom of three biological children and one foster son, my life was busy, rushing off to my office four days a week, seeing patients for three and working as a medical director of a local physician organization for one. I balanced this with rushing off to shuttle my kids to after sports and other after school activities. All of this changed one day in August of 2018 when my 14 year old son, Andy, was killed in a car accident. I felt like my life was over, and in some ways it was over, and a new life was forced to begin in its place. 

Grief is seldom discussed openly in our culture, and the death of a child makes people feel even more uncomfortable. On this blog and podcast, ‘Losing a Child: Always Andy’s Mom’, the topic is approached openly and honestly, speaking to people who have lost loved ones and experts who help care for them. Whether you are a parent experiencing loss or someone who wants to support another going through this tragedy, this blog and podcast strives to offer hope and help.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

A Love for Music

My son, Andy, was extremely musically talented. Music really spoke to him. Once when he was 5 years old, we took him to a Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert. I looked to him at one point of the concert and he had tears freely flowing down his face. I quickly asked him what was wrong. His reply, ‘The music, it’s just so sad.’ 

He played the piano for many years and played his French Horn, that he named Frenchie, for three. His greatest instrument though, was his own voice. He was a head chorister for the Grand Rapids Choir of Men and Boys and sang with the choir for five years. This video is a clip of one of his final solos, fitting as he sings about ‘fitting ourselves for heaven.

Recent Blog

 

The Laundry

Today, I am doing something that has made me weep all day. I am doing Andy’s laundry for the last time. It has been almost 22 months since he died, and I had not been able to do it. Every time I picked up the clothes to try, I would smell him. I would smell that dirty...

I find myself with a heaviness all day today as Mother's Day approaches tomorrow. I had my first Mother's Day without my mom in 1995. I would send flowers to my grandmother and later to my step-mother on that day, but overall, I liked to try to ignore it. I always...

Andy’s Birthday

  Today Andy should be turning 16 instead of being forever 14. I sit here writing with tears running down my face thinking about what should be happening today if I had only done just one tiny thing differently on August 15, 2018. If only we had decided not to go...

Recent Podcast

 

Episode 42: Keyan’s Mom at 3 Years

When I sat down to plan my summer podcast schedule, July 2nd stood out to me right away. July 2, 2017 was the day that Stephanie's daughter Keyan died. Although I never met Keyan in life, in my mind, July 2nd is Keyan's day and it just did not feel 'right' to talk...

Episode 41: Johnny’s Mom

On the night 7 year old Johnny was diagnosed with a brain tumor, his mom asked him if he was scared. He said that he was and went on to say that he was afraid that he would die. Johnny's mom tearfully held him close and told him that God desires to take the little and...

Episode 40: Dobbs and Reed’s Mom

Sometimes I end an interview just feeling better - better about myself, better about God and better about life in general. Today is one of those days and one of those interviews. The first thing a noticed when I started talking to Hadley, the mother of Dobbs and Reed,...