Episode 281: Aaron’s Mom

This past year marked an important milestone for today’s guest, LeeAnn. Aaron was killed in a car accident 18 years ago when he was 18 years of age. It never hit LeeAnn until last summer when someone asked her two questions: How long ago did Aaron die? How old was Aaron when he died? The answer to both questions was the same – 18 years. It was difficult for LeeAnn to believe.

LeeAnn says that she had two major epiphanies in her life. The first happened two years after Aaron died when she says she was in such deep darkness that she was simply existing. Her two sisters confronted her that day and asked, “Do you want to live? You are slowly killing yourself.” LeeAnn had two other sons and family members who loved and needed her. She decided that she did want to live. She began to eat better and function – but she still did not feel joy.

That second epiphany happened several years later. LeeAnn realized she was simply existing and not truly engaging with life. She was not feeling any true happiness. She made a drastic change then, leaving her marriage and moving out on her own. She learned to find joy again. LeeAnn eventually remarried and had a third major event in her life. LeeAnn and her husband were looking for a therapist to help with a family issue related to one of his children. LeeAnn was suddenly reminded that she had been given the name of a therapist by a bereaved mom over a decade before whom she had never called.

Now, she called the number and made an appointment. The family issue was quickly resolved, but LeeAnn realized she had never properly grieved Aaron. She had made decisions to live and feel joy again, but she had not leaned into her own grief. She had tried to tuck it away, hoping it would resolve, but even after all that time, the grief sat there, waiting for her to pick it up and work through it. The therapist has been amazing for LeeAnn and beginning last year, LeeAnn volunteers to help other grieving parents in their journeys. She certainly hopes for them that it won’t take 18 years to get where she is today, but she accepts that she couldn’t have done it any other way.