When I first heard from a listener about today’s guest, Patti, the email included an attachment which was a copy of the obituary that Patti wrote for her late son, Nick after he took his life almost three years ago. To say that it was powerful would be a vast understatement. It was beyond powerful. In fact, I feel like it is something that each and every parent should read. Her words about Nick’s battle with addiction can help everyone understand that no family is immune to this disease.
Patty writes: ‘Nick was robbed of his future by the disease of addiction. No one plans to be an addict. It is a disease, not a choice, and it has reached epidemic proportions. Nick started using drugs to make himself feel normal, to feel accepted, to feel worthy, because this is what the drug told him at first. What it didn’t tell him is how it would devastate his family, take his education, take his jobs, take his future, take and take until it took his life. Addiction will take hold and destroy anyone in its path including families and loved ones of those afflicted. We all know someone who is affected by this epidemic. It isn’t a character flaw, IT’S A DISEASE.’
Patty’s deep love for her son shines through in her words. She reads the entire obituary in the episode, and it is truly a love story for her son. Since Nick’s death, Patti has worked to end the stigma of addiction. As Nick went through his 13-year battle with addiction, he felt shame. He didn’t want people to know. That’s not what Patti saw in Nick – Patti saw a brave young man fighting for his life every single day because that’s exactly who Nick was, a brave fighter.
Patty ends Nick’s obituary in this way: ‘In memory of our beautiful son, please help those that do not understand, come to the realization that addiction is a disease and NOT a choice. I believe more people will reach out for help early on rather than trying to hide their disease from family and friends. Please help End the Stigma.’
Dear Patti,
I just heard your story about Nick. I am SO sorry to hear about your tragic loss. I too lost my son, Judson, to depression, over prescriptions, addiction and unfortunately, suicide on May 29, 2021.
I can relate to so much of your story – especially when you said, “…the more I helped him, the worse he got.”, and, “…Nick’s addiction became my addiction.” I can SO relate to these words. My entire world centered around him and trying to save him. And as a mother bear, I sacrificed my own life and livelihood in the process. But I HAD to. As his mother, I just had to.
Living through the pain and agony of an addicted child, no matter their age, is all-consuming. It is just so sad and difficult, and then to have them leave us, it is devastating. And regarding addiction: I am also a huge advocate for removing the stigma and helping others. This insanity just HAS to stop.
Thank you SO much for sharing your story and Nick’s story. He is a beautiful young man and Angel and I am just very sorry for the pain you and your family have had to endure. I can relate.
Sending so much love,
Jami
PS I was born in Mountain View and lived most my life in Redding, and I know many people in Chico as well. If you are comfortable with sending Nick’s obituary to me, I would love to post it on my Facebook account with his photo. I have posted a lot about Judson and his struggles, and my experience in facing stigma. SO many people have reached out and thanked me for being transparent, as I know you said they also sent you cards and appreciation and personal success stories because of your beautiful words and honesty. Anyway, if you are comfortable with it, I would love to do that in the hopes it can help others. Additionally, I was a guest on Marcy’s show last year, and I credit her with saving my life with her podcast! xo, Jami
Thank you so much Jami for your message, I am sorry for your loss as well. We all share so much in common as moms particularly the comment “I’m just trying to save my child.” Thank you also for your support and advocacy of the fight to end the Stigma. If you are ever in the Bay Area I would love to meet you. I don’t see how I can add his obit to this message but if you email me I can email back to you attaching his obit. It would be my privilege to share with you. My email address is pwrccmc@gmail.com
Gratefully,
Patti