During the COVID-19 pandemic, we all heard it said that everyone was grieving something. Millions of people worldwide lost loved ones to disease certainly, but many talked about grieving the loss of jobs, vacations, time with friends, graduations, and even things like the prom. They were all placed in this big bucket of ‘things we lost’ during the pandemic and reasons that we were all grieving in our own way.
Although to a certain extent, this is true, it is far too simple to just throw every loss into one bucket and treat all of these losses the same. Today’s guest, Dixie reminds us that when we label these losses as ‘grief,’ we really water down the definition. Having to quarantine from friends and family is certainly sad, but it should not be considered equivalent to suffering through the death of a loved one. When we do that, we diminish just how devastating it is to grieve a death loss, especially an out-of-order death loss such as the death of a child.
Dixie’s son, Parker, was in perfect health in the spring of 2019. He had transferred to a new college to further his baseball career. He was the starting shortstop on his new team and was proud to introduce his parents to his teammates between a pair of games the weekend before he passed away. On the day he died, Parker cleaned his room, laid out clean clothes for the afternoon, and even crossed off the day on the calendar. During practice, he was running sprints with the team. Suddenly, Parker collapsed on the ground. This fit, athletic kid, died from a sudden cardiac arrest. No reason has ever been found.
Dixie has been grieving the loss of her sweet son ever since that tragic day. Every day is a challenge. The grief is so incredibly deep that she is changed to her very core. This is true for all grieving parents. We will never be the same people who we were before our children died. Other types of loss simply can’t compare and it is important not to let ourselves fall into society’s trap of thinking that every loss is the same. When we do so, we will cause grieving people to isolate themselves even more, and that does not help anyone.
Hi Marcy,
Your last guest Dixie really resonated with me as I listened to your last podcast. I too lost my beautiful Grandson Keaton at age 16 while playing soccer, the game he so,loved. He also collapsed after 5 minutes of playing, and died within an hour after the Dr’s desperately tried to save his life.
My heart goes out to Dixie and her family having gone through this like my daughter and her family did. I cannot Imagine the excruciating pain she her husband and Parker’s girlfriend went through hearing it from a Dr and then still had to drive to the hospital hours away. We were within 15 minutes away and got to the hospital while they were trying to save him. Keaton looked like he was sleeping! I rubbed his foot and leg and it was still warm. I watched as my daughter and Husband Begged him to hang on and please wake up. You can do this Keaton! As a Mother it’s the hardest thing to go though seeing your daughter in so much pain and their is nothing you can do. It will soon be 3 years, November 16 that he died. It doesn’t get any easier, in fact it gets harder because you are constantly thinking of the years you missed. He would be 19 years old and in college. Would he look the same? Would he have a serious girlfriend? Your right, people think you should be getting on with your life. No one ever talks about Keaton to me or to my daughter. Even her sister and niece never bring up Keaton to my daughter. At the time of the funeral they were there for her and said “if you need anything please let me know”. That ended quickly. I wish people realized that the pain never goes away and is with you when you get up in the morning and when you go to bed EVERY single night. I’m a Grandma and I know the pain for her family is so much worse for them. I cannot Imagine losing any of my 3 kids before I die. It still seems like it’s a bad dream, and yet it’s been 3 years. Your podcasts help so much listening to other grieving Moms and only they feel the pain you are going through.
I love hearing all about the kids in the beginning of the podcasts. Every single one of them are so special! Before Keaton died, I always felt bad when I heard a child died, but now I know and feel their pain. Life is so precious and even though we know their in Heaven it still hurts. Parker was such a wonderful son and such a cute son. I loved hearing about the card her other son sent his Mother! So special!
November 16th is coming up soon, and that is the day my daughter and her family take off and celebrate his life. Keaton had a older sister Emma 23 and a brother Aidan 21. They keep his memory alive! Thank you Marcy for doing these podcasts because it truly does help the families.