Last July 4th weekend, I had the honor of going to a very sacred space with two bereaved moms, Dixie, and today’s guest and dear friend, Michelle. We retraced the steps that Michele and her family took on that fateful day on July 4th, 2020 when Michelle lost her amazing 19-year-old son, Corban, who drowned in Lake Michigan. From the first steps walking along that trail, I knew that we were doing something very special. I could feel Corban, Parker, and Andy. I could feel God walking along beside us.
In the first years after Andy died, whenever we dove past the accident site where Andy died, I would feel sick to my stomach. That has never been a struggle for Michelle, however. Perhaps it is due to the beauty of the sand dunes or perhaps the sparkle of Lake Michigan in the Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore area. Whatever the reason may be, this spot has been dubbed by Michelle as ‘Corban’s Spot’ for she feels his presence close whenever she is there. For me, Corban’s Spot feels holier than any cathedral.
Three years ago this week, God gave Michelle another gift at Corban’s Spot. She went up to be with Corban for her birthday weekend. While there, she noticed a new large piece of driftwood had washed ashore. Michelle had always looked for hearts in nature to help remind her of Corban, but on this day, God gave Michelle a piece of driftwood that looked to have a cutout heart in the center. Over the last three years, the appearance of the driftwood has changed, but it has remained as an ever-present reminder of her love for Corban. It even inspired Michelle to write a poem.
~Driftwood Heart~
A grieving mother’s heart,
A piece of driftwood on the beach.
Pieces missing, not complete;
Changed but the same.
Rough edges, smoothed by the elements.
Ever changing, never what was.
Created by God, changed by the world.
Searching for a new purpose.
How to fit into this place?
A changed heart, a different world.
A piece of driftwood, looking for its place.
A piece of driftwood, tragically beautiful.
Thank you, Michelle, for helping us see the beauty in tragedy. Thank you for being an inspiration to me and all around you.
I listened to this podcast and feel so deeply that you all as bereaved mothers understand my pain. Thank you, Michelle, for telling your story about Corbin…I am holding your story in my heart as I navigate my own journey as a bereaved mom. My son, Anthony died suddenly on January 21 this year of what they determined to be HCM, a rare cardiac congenital abnormality that we didn’t know he was born with. He was 27 years old. The special message about Michelle’s mother reaching out to her at the same time she lost Corbin resonated with me. Today I went to a medium that spoke to me of my own mother who passed 33 years ago. She has never come to me but she came through strongly today while at a group medium session. I was told she had my son and embraced him when he passed and that she continues to be with him eternally for me. My mother never met my son but I feel she is loving him now.💜
Angela, I’m thankful that my story touched you. And that you felt your mom’s presence. I’m so sorry for this heartbreaking loss. You are not alone.
Hugs to you,
Michelle
Dear Michelle,
I hesitated commenting as I am so fresh in my journey of loss and grief. Your story touched me as our boys sound similar in that quiet, thoughtfulness. I have two boys and love them both more than the world. I always said my younger is my sunshine and my oldest, Ethan, is my person. Ethan, my 16 year old, was killed in a car accident June 4. His friend decided out of the blue to see how fast his car could go, hit a speed bump and lost control. What you said about mother’s intuition resonated with me. I had just downloaded Life 360 that evening. I also texted him when we got home from my other son’s baseball game. It was unusual that I hadn’t heard from him and I felt a strong sense of panic. I called twice and texted once more. About fifteen minutes later we got the knock on our door. We were able to be with him in the hospital as he passed. I’m thankful for that but know I am still experiencing shock from that moment and honestly don’t want that shock to wear off. I’m devestated.
We decided to get away for the fourth of July, also the one month marker, and drove to Sleeping Bear Dunes. We live in Ohio. I didn’t know anything about it other than the Dunes of sand. As we were driving the winding road to the lookout point I started to read the Native American folklore of sleeping bear. I too thought, “I am the mother bear longing for my cub” The universal, as old as time, love of mothers for our children hit me in that moment. Also that so many before us have felt this awful grief and longing. And it feels unbearable.
Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for this podcast which is helping me feel less alone and understood. I hope to look into some things mentioned but may wait as I don’t think I could verbally share with a group in this moment. God bless you and Corban.